Confessions of A Teenage Hikari
by LemonBoi
Summary: erm. yes. witness my sucky writings! some MxYM and YxYY, mainly RyouxBakura...or is it! yaoi, in case you couldn't tell. there's some swearing, a depressed Ryou, and some kissing. You have been warned.
1. Chapter 1

RYOU'S P.O.V..

My name is Ryou Bakura, but everyone calls me Ryou now because it would be confusing otherwise. You see, I have this Millennium Ring that had a spirit inside, and he's called Yami Bakura. Weird, I know, but true. We look pretty alike: similar silver hair, both slender, same kind of features. Of course he's taller and stronger than me and much more stunning. I'm pretty plain really. But the main difference is personality.

I guess I'm shy and quiet, and I like doing nice things. People always say I'm pretty smart too. Bakura on the other hand is demanding, angry, and pretty much void of compassion. His favorite pastimes include shoplifting, terrifying people and sending them to the Shadow Realm...and of course being overly (for lack of a more refined word) sexy.

Now that its summer I wish I could spend more time with him, but he isn't interested in hanging out with me much. I'm not the kind of person he tends to like. Then again I'm not sure he truly likes anyone, but still. I mean, we live in the same house, you'd think he could at least try to spend some time with me. He's supposed to be my yami!

For the moment Malik is living in our house as well. Which is really my dad's house, though my dad hasn't been here for the past seven months. I don't know if he's coming back but I hope not.

Of course, living with Malik also means we get his crazy yami, Marik. They're both blonde with dark skin and violently violet eyes. Marik however is unstable, power-hungry, and possessive. He's better now than during, say, Battle City, but I still get nervous around him. Why is everyone in this place so intimidating? When I'm home and Marik and Malik are here too I tend to stick close to my yami or just try to hide.

In fact, that's just what I was doing: skulking in the kitchen, trying to stay clear of Marik. Malik and Bakura unanimously banned him from going into the kitchen unsupervised after one day when he swiped all the flour and set it on fire. Flour and fire apparently don't mix; it exploded all over Marik, the living room, and Malik's cat Ginger. The poor beast was frightened almost to death and now stays away from Marik, which seems to amuse him greatly. They both laughed really hard but decided he'd gone too far, and Marik doesn't disobey them when they team up on him.

And that's why I'm hiding in the kitchen. I'm bored too, waiting for Bakura to get home. You see, there's also something I haven't mentioned about Bakura. I happen to have a major crush on him...

Just then the doorknob turned and Bakura strode in, looking smug and confidant. He was wearing a collared black shirt, a tight grey jeans which showed off his long legs, and the Ring around his neck. I blinked. I thought the Ring was by my bed. Oh well. As he entered the living room, he called out, "Malik, present for you. It is your birthday today after all."

Whoops. I forgot it was Malik's birthday...he won't be to happy about that. I sigh and walk timidly towards them.

My yami was holding out something long and thin. It might have been intended as a wrapped present, but more closely resembled a wad of gift wrap badly covering something shiny and golden. Malik hopped off the couch, where he'd been curled on Marik's lap. Marik widened his eyes at the present when Bakura handed it to Malik.

"Um, Bakura? Is this what I think it is?" Malik asked incredulously, ripping the paper off. Gold glittered and winked alluringly in his hand. "What the hell were you doing with my Millennium Rod?"

They swear a lot, but I don't even flinch anymore. Bakura laughs at me for 'being such a wimp', but that's just the way he is.

"I borrowed it," he said casually. I cringed inwardly. Bakura with not only the Ring but the Rod as well? He says he's stopped going after the Millennium Items but I'm always afraid of a relapse.

"So, aren't ya glad I felt like giving to you as a special gift?"

"Yeah, fuck-a-doodle-doo," replied Malik sarcastically. "Why'd you have it in the first place?"

"To see if you'd notice. I am King of Thieves, after all."

Malik snorted loudly. "You were, you mean. Well whatever then. Don't expect me to be too grateful. It was mine before you stole it."

By this time I had padded across to them and was standing behind Bakura. He shouldn't have the right to be so gorgeous. Suddenly he noticed me.

"Hey Ryou, what do you have for our dear friend?"

I gulp a bit. "Erm, nothing yet...I mean I...well, nothing."

"That's all right, I'll settle for a kiss!" grinned Malik evilly, holding out his arms. Marik pouted, but Bakura grabbed me around the waist. I felt elated and scared, a blush rising to my cheeks. Bakura pulled me roughly to his side and didn't let go.

"Now now, Ryou's too pure for your dirty antics. Besides, I don't think you'd get much out of kissing him. Virgin if I ever saw one." They all chuckled. Marik had been glaring randomly at the cat Ginger (who happens to be black), but turned back and snickered with them.

"Oh, keeping him for yourself are you? I don't blame you, he's damn hot. Almost as much as me!" Malik declared, striking a comical pose, and they laughed again.

Now my face was really burning. I groaned, but Bakura just grasped tighter. He gets protective of me, which I don't understand. Half the time he seems not to care and orders me around, but he won't actually let anything happen to me. I guess that's good enough, but I can't help wanting more.

What I truly want is for him to love me. Not like Marik and Malik- they're scary. But not like the Pharaoh and Yugi either. They're too...hyper, I guess, and gossipy. No, what I wish is that he'd feel the same way about me as I do about him.

Unfortunately, that's clearly never going to happen...


	2. Chapter 2

Reminder of where we left off, action-wise:_ Now my face was really burning. I groaned, but Bakura just grasped tighter._

DISCLAIMER: Do you really think I own Yu-GI-Oh?

RYOU'S PERSPECTIVE

I squeaked in protest, but I didn't really mean it. Whywould I complain about Bakura holding me?

On the other hand, I know he doesn't feel the same way about me as I feel about him, so that in a way makes me feel even worse whenever he touches me or talks to me. It feels like all my hopes are for nothing, which is probably true. I don't even think he likes boys, not in this way. In fact, until I met Bakura I didn't think I did either. But Bakura changed everything.

At first I was afraid of him and resentful of him, but I gradually began to find out that he wasn't so bad. He was just inexperienced in terms of friendship, and angry at the world for what some long-ago Pharaoh had done to him. As he let go of the past more, I began to feel something for him that I'd never felt before for anyone. I'd had crushes before, on girls, but this was different, deeper. This was a connection that encompassed everything about him. And I realized that I was...in love.

Of course, it gets me into trouble. He started coming to school, and when we end up in the same classes I find myself staring at him instead of doing my work. But since I'm not sure how long this feeling will last, and I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way, I have tried to keep quiet about it.

Marik was staring at me out of the corner of his eyes, so I quickly stopped making complaining noises at Bakura. Its always better to go unnoticed by Marik. How come I live with all the crazy people? I wish Marik and Malik would move out.

A tiny voice in my mind asked snidely, _Oh yes? If they leave, Bakura will move back into the other room. Now do you really want that?_

I tried to smother my thoughts. Lately I've been growing steadily more obsessed with my dark companion, to the point that it interferes with everything. My grades are falling, I'm not getting enough sleep, and I keep getting lost in embarrassing, uncharacteristic daydreams. And the strangest part is that as destructive as all this is, I don't want it to stop. I like being in love with Bakura more than I hate it. If only he would show affection back, I could live with it, but instead he either plays with me , orders me around, or ignores me...

Suddenly I realized that Malik was talking. I barely caught the tail end of a sentence.

"-still, I think he likes it."

I jerked involuntarily, brain frozen. Were they talking about me? I squirmed away from Bakura's grasp quickly. Was my infatuation that obvious?

They all looked at me in surpass, Bakura looking confused. As reason returned I realized they probably hadn't been talking about me at all, and immediately felt embarrassed. I muttered something about homework and fled to the room I was sharing with Bakura. My bed was on the side farthest from the door, and I launched myself into it angrily. What is the matter with me?

Things have been spiraling out of control for the last few days. I can't quite figure on what's wrong but I know that something is. I just don't feel like myself. I feel alone, distant from everyone else around me. I haven't been hanging out with even my closest friends at school, and especially my Yami. Maybe it is a phase, or maybe it's something more serious than that. I've been trying to keep all this to myself but things keep slipping, slipping out of control.

As my thoughts swirled around in my head I heard the others downstairs laugh. Discussing my strange behavior? I thought of something, my heart stopping. What if Bakura thought I had pushed him away and left because I didn't want to be with him? I'm such an idiot- why can't I think before acting? Argh!

More to distract myself than anything, I picked up a book. I didn't feel like studying, something else unusual for me. Why isn't anything simple anymore? Sighing, I opened the book and began to read.

NORMAL P.O.V.

Several hours later Bakura came up the stairs to the room he shared with Ryou. While he had had a good time with Marik and Malik celebrating Malik's birthday, he decided to turn in early. He snorted. Maybe his Hikari was rubbing off on him. But thinking about Ryou led to some confusing thoughts.

He could usually feel his young Aibou's emotions, at least in a general way, but something prevented him from being able to sense them recently. Ryou's companion was getting worried about him. Something was wrong but he couldn't figure on what it was. Ryou wasn't himself and Bakura couldn't figure out why. It was like Ryou had put up a mental block and Bakura couldn't get through to him. And though he didn't like to show it, Bakura cared about his gentle Hikari.

Bakura opened the door to their room and saw that Ryou was reading a book. As soon as Ryou saw Bakura, a shadow fell over his delicate features, clouding his brilliantly green eyes. Something wasn't right; where was the happy, innocent Ryou Bakura was used to?

" What's wrong?" the dark asked his light, sitting on the edge of Ryou's bed and watching him closely. Ryou simply shrugged his thin shoulders and turned his eyes down. There was an awkward silence between the two and Bakura waited for the boy to clear his mind and try to express his thoughts.

" I don't know." Ryou finally looked up at his Yami, his green eyes full of pain. For a second Bakura thought that he saw something like...longing? but then Ryou turned away. Bakura watched his Aibou for a moment and frowned, his eyes dark from worry. Ryou had been so quiet lately. He hadn't spoken much and he hadn't been spending time outside his room, though he usually followed Bakura like a lost puppy. In fact from what Bakura could tell Ryou hadn't spoken to anyone lately, not even at school.

" Aibou, what's going on?" Bakura moved a little closer to him, crouching down to get eye level with him. " Something's bothering you. You haven't been acting like yourself lately."

Ryou turned so that his Yami caught nothing but his profile. Yami watched him a moment longer, sighing heavily in frustration and worry. Bakura was trying to understand, but it was no in his nature to be patient and he was starting to think he couldn't help his light. He hesitated, then ruffled Ryou's hair and walked over to his own side of the room, picked up the comfy pants he slept in, and started getting ready for bed.

Ryou felt Bakura leave, the hope that had started to blossom when Bakura had touched his hair deserting him as quickly as it had come. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before burying his face in his hands and weeping, his small frame shaking with silent sobs.

Bakura had left to change in the bathroom, and by the time he got back his little Hikari was asleep, a troubled expression on his face. Bakura sighed and climbed into his own bed, though it was some time before sleep claimed him.

RYOU'S P.O.V.

I awoke to an alarm beeping just above my head. Tiredly, I groped for the button and sat up, rubbing my eyes. I surveyed the room. Bakura was already up, presumably taking a shower judging by the sound of water running in the other room. I swung my legs out of bed and tried not to think about what I would do today, a Monday. I hadn't done most of my homework, and knew I would regret it today.

The carpet was soft against my bare toes as I made my way over to the dresser and picked out some non-descript clothing. Bakura says I have no sense of style and he's probably right, but I can't bring myself to wear the kind of tight clothes he wears and certainly not leather like Marik and Malik. Yet another reason Bakura will never want me...

I dragged myself out of the bedroom, softly tapping on the bathroom door. The shower stopped, and Bakura called out.

"Yeah, wha izzit?" He'a not a morning person.

"I need to take a shower too you know," I said stiffly, surprised at how distant I sounded. Why was I being so rude?

Bakura clearly had the same impression, because he paused. I could almost imagine the perplexed expession on his face...but just thinking about his gorgeous features was painful. I heard the sounds of footfalls, and the shower door opening and closing. He was getting out. Finally he said, seeming more alert than before, "Sure Ryou. I'm getting out now, won't be long."

In a few moments he opened the door. He was wearing a towel around his waist and nothing else. My eyes wandered across his muscled chest of their own accord. He was beautiful, toned and lean. His skin was gleaming and smooth. Yes, my yami was beautiful. But no wait, he wasn't really mine...

I forced myself to bring my gaze to his face. He was grinning, having noticed my stare. I kicked myself mentally, my forehead knitting. The smile on his face wavered and disapeared as I walked into the bathroom without a word, feeling worse than before. My arm accidentally brushed his and I unintentionally shivered, just that simple touch sparking my whole body into awareness of just how amazing he looked draped in that towel, but my brain knowing that he saw me as just a silly Hikari.

I hurried in and shut the door shed my pajamas, turning the water temperature to high, trying to use the stinging needles of water to drive all thought out of my head. Today was not going to be a good day, I could already tell.

The entire way to school we'd didn't say much, but just his walking had been enough to drive me crazy. From the slight sway of his hips to the way he gazed arrogantly at his surroundings, it was all so perfect.

Even when I wasn't around him, he managed to fill my thoughts. I couldn't pay attention in classes, and my English teacher actually took me aside after class and asked if I was feeling all right. I just sighed, and didn't say anything. He looked concerned, but had to let me go to my next period.

The day passed agonizingly slowly, and every class was torture, especially those with Bakura in them. He seemed to attract my thoughts without even doing anything. When school finally ended I was relieved. I had avoided everyone, eaten lunch alone, and had an overall miserable day.

Bakura and I walked home together and I made it a point to be silent. I didn't even try to start a conversation.

Partway home he smacked himself on the forehead. "Damn, I left my English binder in my locker! I gotta go back and get it," he exclaimed. English is the one class he actually tries in, even though he's actually pretty smart.

My heart plummeted, but I tried to disguise my disapointment. Just you average, innocent, plain Hikari. Nothing to see here. Or so I pretended anyway.

"Oh...alright," I said softly, turning my head to stop him from seeing my features cloud. "See you when you get back." I walked the short distance to the entrance, closing the door behind me. I could almost feel Bakura gaping at me. I'm always the cheery bubbly one. Or I used to be.

When Bakura came home, I still said nothing, pretty much keeping to myself. He'd tried to talk to me, but I ignored him, lost in my own thoughts. Eventually he'd relented and gone off somewhere to 'do his homework'. More like watch TV, from the sounds downstairs.

During dinner, I felt even more depressed, and somewhat desperate. In fact I was so much not my self that I decided to try and ask the question that had been plaguing my head. I pushed away my barely-touched plate.

"Bakura," I said. He looked at me strangely, but in my despondent state I barely noticed.

"Yes, hikari," he responded tentatively.

"Well...nevermind"

"Ryou, you can tell me."

"Do you...I mean, could you ever..." I trailed off, unsure how to phrase it. He looked confused, unaware of the struggles taking place inside of me.

"What is it Ryou?"

If I had been thinking straight I would have noticed right away that he was acting differently towards me. Normally he would have brushed me off or not taken me seriously, but this time all his attention was on me.

"It's just, I feel..." my throat constricted and I could feel tears coming on. What was the matter with everything? Why was it all so hard?

"Ryou, I don't underst-" I cut him off.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Yami." I got and ran to my bedroom, without even bothering to put my plate in the sink or anything. I didn't feel like doing my homework again that night so I changed into a huge comfy T-shirt and boxers and lay face up on my bed. But I was not even close to falling asleep. Instead, I drew a shuddering breath, and felt tears well up from my eyes.

_He doesn't love me. Nobody does. I'm Ryou, just Ryou...I don't deserve his love. He doesn't even like me, he'd probably be happier if I didn't exist...everyone would, it would be better that way..._

I was sobbing more quickly now, drops trailing down my face onto my pillow and making me feel even more pathetic. I tried to stifle the noise I was making, but half-hoped Bakura would come to me and comfort me.

But nobody came, and eventually I fell into a deep sleep riddled with bad dreams in which I was with Bakura . I would stretch out my hand to his but he would shake his head and move away, and as hard as I tried I couldn't reach him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kat**: Reminder of where we left off: _But nobody came, and eventually I fell into a deep sleep riddled with bad dreams in which I was with Bakura . I would stretch out my hand to his but he would shake his head and move away, and as hard as I tried I couldn't reach him. _

... change of scene or time

UPPERCASE change of perspective

_italic _ryou's thoughts

DISCLAIMER: no, I don't own Yu-gi-oh, nor am I making any proft from it. In case you were in any doubt.

**Yami Kat**: All right all right get on with the story already!

NORMAL P.O.V.

Bakura, meanwhile, was having a rare serious conversation with Malik. For once no smirk adorned his beautiful features and no sarcasm or laughter sounded in his tone. He had started talking almost as soon as Malik arrived home, in need of someone to share his concerns with. Marik was not yet home (likely out terrifying people), and Bakura had made Malik swear not to tell him anything. Malik was somewhat unsure about this side of Bakura, but trying his best to be helpful.

"I'm worried about him," Bakura's voice said.

"He'll be okay," Malik replied.

"He just seems so moody recently."

"PMS?" Malik offered wickedly.

Bakura was not amused. "Ha ha. You're just hilarious, you know that?."

"Like I said, he'll be ok, you'll see. Just...try to, I dunno, comfort him and stuff. He'll come around and be a bubbly little thing in no time, you'll see. Its probably just a phase."

Bakura sibsided, looking doubtful. He was not at all convinced that it was 'just a phase', but didn't want to disgree. After all, spending close to 5000 years trapped in a ring is not the best way to fine-tune your people skills.

Ryou woke the next morning feeling irritable and apathetic. He cracked open his eyes and saw early morning sunlight washing his room in warm yellow and pink through the windows, but rather than noticing the beauty as he would usually have done he merely felt angry. How could everything be so cheerful when he was feeling anything but? Another day, another disaster of avoiding people and facing disapointed teachers. He was going to be late for school, but for once he just...didn't care. Ryou yawned hugely and got up, noting that Bakura was still asleep. He had entered the bedroom long after Ryou was asleep, around four am, and was clearly paying for it.

Ryou padded over to his sleeping dark, trying to tread lightly. Bakura looked proud even in sleep, but far more relaxed than he ever did in life. He wasn't wearing a shirt, as it was nearly summer and the nights were warm, and one pale shoulder showed above the light blanket. His long silver hair spread around his face, framing it in wild splendor. The sunlight tinted his features with shades of pale rose. He was...stunning. But once again this just made Ryou feel more depressed. He shook his head and stretched out his hand to tap Bakura's shoulder and wake him for school.

The second he touched, Bakura's eyes flew open. In one swift movement he jumped up and pinned Ryou against the wall, feet almost off the ground.

Ryou's eyes were wide and frightened. Bakura wasn't usually physically violent towards him, but he was unpredictable. However, Bakura's actions had been instinctive and as soon as he realized where he was and who he was holding, he dropped Ryou as if burned. Suddenly he noticed he was clad in only pants, which didn't bother him but he knew it was strange for Ryou. He peered worriedly at his light, an unusual occurance in itself. Ryou made a strangled squeak.

"Hikari! I'm...sorry. I really didn't mean to...I didn't know it was you! Are you all right?" As Ryou still looked startled, Bakura hesitated, then proceeded to fold him into an awkward hug. "I really am sorry."

Ryou seemed to have recovered, but still didn't speak. His eyes had gone back to their earlier sad, glazed look. When Bakura stepped back, he simply said, "We're going to be late for school," and walked towards the kitchen.

Bakura stared after him, perplexed. Something was definitely wrong. Bakura was trying to be patient, trying to be there for his mild companion, but no matter what he did Ryou still seemed sad. In fact, he seemed dangerously depressed, as though he had ceased to enjoy anything. Bakura quirked an eyebrow. Whatever it was, it didn't look like Bakura could help. He sighed and began the process of getting ready for school.

RYOU'S P.O.V.

We were tardy, but not really late. Not late enough, in my opinion; I wish I could just skip the whole day. Before, I even looked forward to school, but now I can't really think of any activities I enjoy. If anything I just want to lock myself in a closet and sit there the rest of my life. Nothing is going right. Somewhere in my brain a voice was telling me that something was wrong, I was depressed, I needed to cheer up. However, I easily pushed the speaker aside and lost myself in lonliness and longing.The worst part is that I knew exactly what I wanted, knew what could make me feel happiness again...but Bakura was clearly oblivious. I sighed and leaned an elbow on the desk, propping myself up and gazing moodily out the window. Only first period. Surely the clock was moving too slowly? I moved through the day in a daze, listening to neither teachers nor concerned friends. I blocked them all out and retreated to the sanctuary of my brain.

_Things used to be fun_, I thought to myself as I walked towards my fifth period class, History. _Now… I'm not so sure anymore. I feel so alone._

I heard Bakura's voice in my memory for the thousandth time that day. _Aibou, what's going on? Something's bothering you. You haven't been acting like yourself lately_...

_You're right_, I answered the memory,_ I haven't. And its because of you..._

I entered the classroom and sighed heavily. Bakura also had fifth period History class. Every day was torture...he sat one row ahead of me. He always played around in History, but he never got caught. Today he was making paper airplanes and zooming them around when the teacher's back was turned. He did it the way he did everything: gracefully, mischeviously, with a sense of confidence. No matter what he does he looks good...

Angrily I turned away. Why was I always focusing on him? But I knew the answer, and my rage soon turned back into melancholy. At least there was only one period left until I could leave in peace...

Apparently Yugi, Yami, Jou, and Tea had other ideas for him.They cornered him just after school ended.

"Ryou," said Yugi carefully, "is there anything the matter?"

"Yeah, why are you avoidin' us? I thought we were your mates," added Jou. Tea shushed him reprovingly. It was clear she was about to launch off into a long speech about friendship, which I wasn't in the mood for at all.

"Nothing really." I replied defiantly, not quite sure why I was lying. Yami made a disbelieving sound. "I'm mean it! I'm just fine."

"Why do I have a feeling there's more going on here than you're letting on?" Yami asked. Yugi nodded his head. I just shook my hair in front of my eyes and turned away. I felt even worse than before.

"Wait," called Tea. "We're your friends, Ryou! We will always be here for you, even when you feel like the world's against you. Please stay with us!"

"I know how you feel!" I kept walking. Somehow Jou always manages to say the exact worst thing. I was now feeling at an all-time low, angry and distant. How could he presume to know how I felt!

For the first time I could remember, I didn't meet Bakura at his locker to walk home with him, but struck out home alone. Once I was home, I flung myself down on Bakura's bed without bothering to change or anything. Malik and Marik were home, but I didn't care. There was only one thing I cared about anymore.

I cried myself to sleep for the third night that week.

NORMAL P.O.V.

When school ended, Bakura waited for Ryou as usual, but he hadn't come. Bakura waited for twenty minutes, and then called to him mentally. However, he couldn't feel Ryou's mental imprint anywhere. He wasn't sure whether it was because Ryou was no longer at school or because the hikari had managed to block the link. Just to be on the safe side Bakura began to search the building. The only other time Ryou had not shown up, he'd been beaten up by some idiot in the bathroom. Suffice to say, once Bakura got ahold of him, the bully was never quite the same. The only thing that had stopped him from sending the boy to the Shadow Realm was Ryou's pleading. Bakura didn't really understand such compassion. After all, he had only recently even stopped his quest to get the Millennium Items. He still hated the Pharaoh's guts, but he had learned some measure of control.

This time Ryou was nowhere to be found, and Bakura was starting to get really worried as well as frustrated. He came to a decision. He would jog back to the house to look, and if Ryou wasn't there he would enlist the help of Marik and Malik, counting on Malik to keep Marik in check.

As he reached the house he saw that the light in the bedroom he and Ryou shared was on. Hope blossomed in his chest. He sprinted up the last few steps and wrentched the door open, not even bothering to shut it properly. When he careened into the bedroom he saw Ryou curled up on the wrong bed, looking sad even in sleep. He was wearing all his clothes from school. Bakura shook his head. He had been silly to get so worried. He must be getting soft. But he couldn't stop a grin of relief from stealing over his face as he changed into the clothes he slept in and climbed into his bed, trying hard not to wake up his sleeping light. The expression of grief on Ryou's face lessened somewhat though he didn't wake up.

The next morning Bakura woke early and slipped out of bed, but he couldn't help ruffling Ryou's hair, so similar to his own. Ryou looked angelic in the soft light, even features relaxed and calm. His shirt had ridden up as he slept and a crescent of flawless skin peeked out from under his shirt. Bakura admired the scene for a moment and then left him in peace.

By the time Ryou woke Bakura had already showered and was downstairs with Malik, and Ryou didn't even know that he had spent the night curled next to Bakura. All he knew was that he was still wearing his clothes from the day before and was on Bakura's bed. Miserably he wondered whether Bakura was annoyed and whether he should even bother getting up. Remebering his flight from his friends he flushed. Well, he thought morosely, at least today couldn't be any worse. Could it?

The day passed much like the day before, but this time Ryou didn't just avoid everyone; he hid. He didn't just not speak in class; he didn't pay the slightest attention. When the end of the day finally came he had sunk to new depths, feeling distant and vaguely betrayed, though by who he wasn't sure. Once again he walked home alone.

Marik and Malik were not home yet, but Ryou had ceased to notice. He stumbled blindly around the house, and finally his wandering brought him to the bathroom. Suddenly he realized he hadn't washed in three days. More out of habit than anything he started to run a bath, and partway through discovered a shard of glass lodged in between the wall and the cabinet.

He tugged it out, marveling at its sharpness as it drew a line of blood across his palm. The piercing pain was intruiging; here was a feeling he could control. He pulled the sliver across his arm, smiling unintentionally. Blood started to run down his hand, and he draped his arm over the tub, marveling at the beauty of the crimson meeting the water. The droplets fell quickly now, staining the water with menacing speed. Ryou's mind was mercifully blank of everything but this pain and this moment.

He slashed the other wrist, and moaned. He felt...odd...the world was...it was distorted, spinning...something was not right...

He passed out just as Bakura arrived home.

**Kat: **Ooh, its not going well at all for lil Ryou. I'm even depressing myself! But rest assured, it gets better. Critisisms, anyone? Pleease review and tell me what I can do better. Plus, the more reviews I get the more likely I am to keep writing and uploading!

**Yami Kat: **Now let's see if I can get another chapter done for tomorrow!


	4. Chapter 4

**Kat**: Reminder of where we left off: _Ryou felt...odd...the world was...it was distorted, spinning...something was not right_...

_He passed out just as Bakura arrived home._

**Yami Kat:** We still don't own Yu-gi-oh, blah blah blah. So now on to the story: is Ryou…dead? I have been known to murder main characters before! O.o I guess you'll have to find out!

RYOU'S P.O.V.

I woke slowly, feeling groggy and dizzy. _Where am I?_

I sat up stiffly, and opening my eyes to a room I hadn't seen before. It looked like...a hospital room. There was something itchy on my wrists.

As my gaze dropped to see two gauze pads covering my wrists, memory came flooding back. The shard of glass...blood turning the bath water to ruby...I must have cut deeper than I thought and passed out. But then how had I gotten here? I lay back onto the over-soft pillow, groaning. Clearly sitting up had been a bit ambitious; the room was tilting crazily in my mind's eye.

I realized though I was weak and had a pounding headache, I felt much better than I had in days, though still not nearly as happy as I used to be. That was odd. Maybe just being away from everything? I sighed, and gave up thinking. Sleep claimed me again quickly.

The next day I woke up for good. A nurse entered and asked me how I was feeling. She was neat and nondescript, but nice enough. I answered that I felt fine, and was surprised to realize that it was true. As long as I tried not to think of the last few weeks, I didn't get too dispirited. I still spent quite a bit of time thinking about Bakura, but mostly I was just bored. I actually felt pretty sheepish about what I'd done. I saw that no matter how bad things seemed, death wasn't a real option, more of a weak way out.

About three hours after I had regained consciousness, the nurse returned and announced that I had visitors. She smiled at me and steppe out again as five people filed in.

"Hi," I said lamely. There was an awkward chorus of 'hey' and 'hello', and everyone was silent for a moment. Yami looked unsure, Yugi and Tea looked worried, and Joey looked sheepish. Tristan just looked blank. None seemed to know what to say.

"Ryou, what were you thinking!" burst out Yugi suddenly. "We were so scared!"

"Yeah, you really made me worried! I felt so bad," exclaimed Tea. "You should have talked to us! I could have helped. We're your friends Ryou. You can always count on us if you need someone to listen."

I looked down. "I don't know what I was doing," I mumbled. My spirits had sunk again. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate their coming, but I had hoped for a different visitor...

Just then the door opened again. It was Bakura. Suddenly my heart was pounding and I felt like I was floating. Bakura was here!

"Go away, you five," he snarled at the others.

"Aw, that's not fair," complained Joey.

"You watch yourself, Tomb Robber," added Yami. "We're his friends too, you know."

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "Yes? Well, I think that as his yami I outrank you. Go on, scram!" He made as if to reach for the Millennium Ring around his neck, and they all flinched. He laughed scornfully.

Joey left hurriedly, followed closely by Tea, then Yugi. The Pharaoh looked mutinous, but Yugi turned back and said, "Come on Yami, give them a few minutes. It won't kill you."

Bakura kept smiling, and slammed the door behind them. He turned to face me. Throughout the exchange I had tried to keep my eyes off Bakura. He was so beautiful when he got imperious...but now he was kneeling by the bedside. I fought to stop myself from giving in and gazing at him, but he reached out and captured my chin, startling me and forcing me to gaze directly into his dark eyes.

That was it; I was caught. His eyes were so deep. They seemed to go on forever, rich hues layered upon each other, conveying emotion across to me. And right now they looked...strangely tender, and a bit...searching, full of feelings I had never expected to see on those haughty features.

"I...was it you who...found me?"

He nodded.

"I didn't mean for it...I mean, I wasn't trying to-"

He silenced me with a finger pressed to my lips. "I know. But still, you really scared me. I should have known something was badly wrong...I'm sorry."

I blinked. That was the second time he'd apologized to me recently, though he had never done it before that, and I was swamped by a wave of love for him. Suddenly I felt so fed up with myself and my timidity that I just blurted it out.

"Bakura, I love you!"

I stared at him for a moment, anxious to see his response. Emotions chased across his face too fast to follow, and abruptly he pushed himself onto the bed so that he was sitting next to me. Before I knew what was happening, he had pulled me close to his body...

And placed his mouth over mine.

NORMAL P.O.V.

Ryou was so surprised that for a split-second he just sat there, taking in the impression of his dark's warm body against own, the strong arms finally around him as he had wished for countless times before. Then he came to himself again and opened his mouth shyly to Bakura's questioning tongue.

At first the hikari was a bit worried. He had never kissed anyone. Ever. But that ceased to matter as Bakura expertly brought all his pent-up emotions to the surface, and he found that he was responding hungrily to the touch. Bakura's arms were around his waist and Ryou's arms had migrated to Bakura's neck.

Bakura was exploring the inside of his mouth, causing him to shudder involuntarily. They pulled apart for a split second, then Bakura began to kiss down along Ryou's neck, eliciting strangled moans from his inexperienced hikari. Bakura loved how much he was in control, loved every little gasp, loved the way Ryou was so vulnerable...

Somehow he was on top of Ryou, but they hardly noticed. Bakura gave Ryou's neck a small nip, lost in his light's reaction to him and his reaction to his light. Ryou moaned more loudly, and grasped Bakura closer, hands raking through his wild hair.

Both abandoned control over their mind link, and they were wide open to each other. Ryou felt Bakura's deep love for him as well as his lust, and Bakura clearly discerned the infatuation Ryou bore him for the first time. There was no need for words. Words were inadequate, fleeting. _This_ was real.

Ryou was completely lost, but Bakura was held by caution. He knew that his young hikari was not ready to go as far as he himself was. He also clung to the knowledge that they were in a hospital room...they were better off exploring their new feelings at home. Regretfully he pulled away from Ryou. Ryou opened his eyes, looking at Bakura with an almost scared expression on his face. Of course; he hadn't known he possessed such raw energy.

Bakura smirked. He could think of a lot of things he wanted to teach this unseasoned boy. However, for now, the rest of Ryou's friends were waiting outside the door.

"Ry, Aibou...I love you too. But we've got to wait, we've got to let them in first. And then...and then we'll see."

Ryou nodded, still in a daze, but content. Bakura squeezed him tightly for a moment, then sat up. He ran a hand through Ryou's hair and adjusted his shirt, then got up and did the same for himself. He smiled at his slim hikari, then strode over to the door and opened it.

"All right, come back in, you lot." He scowled at the Pharaoh as he marched past, then returned to sit next to Ryou and slung an arm about his waist. Ryou blushed.

The rest stared, but made no comments.

It was Yugi who broke the silence. "Er...so, how are you Ryou?"

"Hungry, but good," replied Ryou happily. And it was clear that this was true. Everyone (except Joey) had a pretty good idea of what had passed in this room while they were outside.

As though summoned by his words, an attendant appeared at the door with a tray of food items. They didn't look particularly appetizing, but Ryou was so hungry he didn't care. He proceeded to wolf the food down and talk to his friends at the same time, feeling better than he had in weeks.

The hospital psychiatrist wanted to keep him for at least a week or two. Attempted suicide was no laughing matter. However he was forced to conclude that Ryou just seemed...happy. There was a boy, with long white hair so similar to Ryou's that the psychiatrist was sure they were brothers, who visited every day and seemed to keep his spirits high, and the other kids visited once more. In the end Ryou was released a mere two days later, just in time for the weekend.

Bakura came and picked him up on his motorcycle. Ryou had never ridden it before, but felt safe as long as he kept tight hold of Bakura's waist. When they got to the house, Malik and Marik, unusually docile, threw him a party. Marik did get a bit rowdy after several glasses of an unidentified substance (think…beer), but Ryou merely sheltered in Bakura's arms. He was home, in more ways then one.

Ryou smiled drowsily. Everything was perfect. Soon he had dropped of to sleep, so Bakura carried him gently upstairs and laid the slender boy on his own bed, then crawled in after him. Best to let him sleep. After all, there would be another night tomorrow, and another after that. Bakura grinned wolfishly, remembering their kiss in the hospital, and how much had been left undone. As much as he was in love with this boy, he was still Bakura. Some things never change, and Bakura could think of many things he wanted to introduce his light to.

But not tonight, he yawned, draping one arm over Ryou and caressing his hair. Not tonight.

Soon both boys were soundly asleep.

**Kat:** aww, kawaii! 'lil Ry isn't dead, and its all fluffy and sweet!

**Yami Kat**: 'Cept for Bakura wicked grin

**Kat**: You hush, silly. Now the question is, is this the end of the story? Should I keep going for another chapter or two? Or should I start a different story? Hmm. Please help me decide!

Yami Kat: Indeed, review or I shall bite your head off! :) 


End file.
